An Essay I Did On 'Killer Instincts'

Killer instinct (n)

Dictionary definition:

·       An aggressive tenacious urge for domination in a struggle to attain a set goal.

·       A very strong desire to succeed or win.

Question: Do I want to win?

I remember, exactly one year ago, PRISAA 2013. I remember the loss. The feeling of seeing what should be mine being given to someone else. I remember feeling disdain, disappointment, and frequently asking myself, ‘why didn’t I work hard enough?’I trained with the same people and did the same work out as they did. Dad was right all along. Not only does the physical part of the athlete matter; the mental toughness contributes a great deal to the outcome.

And that is what I think I lacked, and only began to find in me earlier this year. I told myself to learn from my mistakes, and not let disappointment get the best of me. There is always, always room to improve. Though I was sidetracked because of my hand operation, I promised myself that I would show them. I will show all of them, that Frances is something special. I lacked killer instincts.

Anyone can be an athlete, but it takes someone truly dedicated to their cause to excel and deserve to be called a champion. Not everyone is born with killer instincts. Almost all champions, some point in their lives, gain it from experience. They never settle for ‘okay’. They will almost always want to do better than their teammates, stand out, and are willing to do whatever it takes.

Though sometimes, athletes gain it through harsh experiences with others. Champions are never complacent. They strive to improve, because they possess the drive. They make bad races stepping stones, meticulously go over what could have possibly have hindered them from performing above satisfaction. Sometimes you’ll win, sometimes, you’ll learn.

When I stepped on that diving board after almost two months of not being able to set foot in pool water, I retrieved that memory from the dark corner of my mind. That small memory. The feeling of losing, my stomach flipping, head swirling, filled with disappointment. 

That was enough to ignite a spark - not a big one, but a small, steady speck – then it hit me. I never want to feel that again. And when the buzzer sounded, I let all my fears go. All my worries, my insecurities, floating further away with every stroke.

And for the first time in ages- I felt the burning desire to not let this opportunity to show them what I am capable of slip away.

It’s all those days of hard sets, late-night workouts, supplements and extra words of encouragements. They are the factors that have been adding up to this moment. Now either go hard, or go home.

Like Eminem once said, “If you had one shot, one opportunity to win everything you ever wanted in one moment, would you capture it or just let it split?” –Lose Yourself

“You only have one shot, do not miss your chance”

In conclusion, yes, I want to win. I want to win as much as I want to breathe.